I'm doing well (and it's a little scary)

I started a new job a few months ago. So far, it has been a very rewarding experience and I am learning a lot. As there aren't many people at this location for the company, I have been given a good number of tasks and responsibilities. When I started working here, I basically hit the ground running with work. And my workload and number of responsibilities have only increased since then.

For all intents and purposes, I am a "catchall" Quality Engineer.

I think I'm getting a little overwhelmed at work.

Not in a bad way, I'm getting a lot of different opportunities to learn new things and work in different capacities, which is incredible. I'm really happy that my managers think that I'm a good fit for these roles. But it's adding responsibility to my plate, and I can feel myself getting nervous at the prospect of not meeting the expectations my managers have placed on me.

This fear is especially more prevalent, as they hire new people who could easily surpass me in success.

A Fake Indian

How can I call myself Indian, when I can barely hold a conversation in Tamil. Forget Hindi.
Being around so many actual Indians, I feel like an American joke.

I wish I was like my friends, they speak and understand Tamil so fluently. They know what's going on at all times, understand all the inside jokes. But, I always feel so lost. In the language that's supposed to be my mother tongue.

At the same time, this speaks to how fortunate I am. My friends had to communicate with their grandparents, who are not comfortable speaking in English. Learning Tamil was the only way for them to bridge the gap, for their grandparents.

I am fortunate to have grandparents who had the opportunity to not only learn to speak, read, and write English, but, in my grandmother's case, also teach it for many years.

How lucky am I, that there wasn't a communication barrier between my grandparents and I, when I was growing up. Because they bridged that gap for me.

Sometimes, I wish I hadn't been so lucky.

Unrelated, I also hate myself sometimes.

Strange

It's funny how so much can change in just a year. I wrote this a year ago:

Heading into my senior year of college, I'm trying to come to terms with some inner turmoil.

I'm finishing up my Bioengineering degree, hopefully with good grades. I'm the captain of my dance team. I will be leaving college in a short 9 months. Possibly, assuming I graduate.

I was asked by my parents if I want to add a major, possibly something in business. I could take an extra year, giving me more time to raise my GPA, and also giving me an extra summer to get some work experience. I'm seriously considering it, as I personally don't feel ready to leave college just yet. I'm sure every college senior feels nervous to leave their home for four years. But, naturally, I feel like I'm the first person to feel this way. Everyone around me looks so sure of themselves.

I am now an alumnus of my university, with my Bachelor's in Bioengineering. I may not have gotten the best grades, but I did graduate. And I got a job.

I had to move far away from my home, and learn to adapt to a new state. But it's already been a month, and I'm beginning to feel at home. With my new job, new apartment, new friends, new life.

Life is strange.